Saturday, September 25, 2010

Haiti, and learning not to murmur

I'm at that point of having a newborn where one of two things happen. You start to get really settled and excited and back to normal, or you lose your mind and start wondering what was I thinking? I'm often at that second turn. I love being a mama to a baby. So sweet. So tiny. So perfect. So in love. BUT theres this whole issue of feeding him. The easy route and the one I most desire is to drive to wally world and buy the big blue can of formula, bring it home, mix into a bottle, hand it to my husband, hand a beautiful baby bundle to my husband and GO TO SLEEP. But. I wont. I will instead every two to three hours gather my sleeping or not sleeping beautiful baby bundle, and procede to do the most the painful thing ever in my life.... placetender body parts in the mouth of a raging beast. Seriously. We call him gator. I've been complaining and whining. And then I read this post by Heather. She is doing Good Work right now. She and her family have given up their lives in the states for at least a full school year in Haiti. Heather gets to work with a womens ministry there and this is what she posted today about a (very)young mother and her tiny new baby. Read it. I'm right there. The crying, the cursing, the fear of the latch. I found myself longing for a Heather. Not specifically Heather but someone like her. I could go to the Drs office and see a lactation consultant, but I want a Heather. Someone personal to come beside me and cry and laugh with me as I force my body to do what it most certainly was designed to do, but most certainly FEARS. Then my close to jealous heart was hit and suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude. I have everything. An over over over abundance of anything and everything. I am so grateful that Haiti has a Heather. I don't even really know Heather. We joined their church and then I got pregnant and got to know only a handful of people on a very intimate level due to being sick and hiding the past 9 months. BUT I know that God has huge things planned for the entire Hendrick family and the lives they are touching. So now I have another baby and mama to pray for. A woman with obstacles in her life I can only imagine. I don't know what God would have me do to help women like Adema. I'm pretty sure it starts by my ceasing to feel sorry for myself. Even when I have to feed gator at 2 and 4 and 6. Even when I would rather go through an entire delivery again than face another latch on. I can wear my lovely nipple shields and use another tube of lanolin... and maybe use that time for something a little more constructive than moping about how miserable I am. I can pray for babies. and mamas. who have so little and are so very brave. I can pray for the people who have the courage to help them. And I can be grateful. Grateful that God refuses to let me wallow in my sin. That he confronts me in my arrogance. That he has given me the ability to nurse my baby. And that far far away, on an island, a young girl was blessed by a Heather :-).

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog through Heather. I don't even know her but she has such an openness and honesty about here that's so refreshing and real. I loved her breastfeeding post. I'm with you there with the breastfeeding and nipple shields-ah! It's so frustrating yet rewarding. I am praying for you because I know how hard it can be.