Thursday, October 25, 2012

One of those days

Today is one of those days. The kind that begins around 2am awake in your bed with a throw blanket from the couch instead of your bedding because the baby got sick on your comforter before you could set up the pack n play at the foot of your bed where he is moaning and gagging and making awful sounds and your five year old's knees are in your back because he "doesn't want to sleep in his room and he's scared for baby brother" and your husband is snoring because he got up early to take care of getting kids to school the morning before because you thought you might have strep. It's the kind of day you pull your hair back into a pony tail and let the lipstick slide and wait by the phone for the clock to say 8:00 so you can get the baby in to the dr and even though you know the diagnosis already you pack him up and stand rocking him In the waiting room so he stops crying just to hear the words "it's just a virus" from a professional. It is the kind of day you take the stroller into target to protect everyone else so you can buy vitamins throat drops and baby tylenol. The kind of day the pumpkins in the crock pot that were going to become pumpkin bread instead will probably become Monday's mystery stink from the garbage in the garage and the kind of day you can already tell requires pizza for dinner.

But it is also a day you receive sweet encouragement from friends and smile as your sick one goes and gets himself ice from the freezer drawer to suck on and snuggles into your shoulder and asks for "more cold juice" and Elmo. It is a day you are reminded that you simply can not do it all, but you are held in the arms of a creator who can. He calms the storms and comforts his people. He heals the sick and provides the bread. So today is one of those days. The ones covered in grace and kisses and pedialyte. Those days I am so thankful for.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A real life unfabled email from this tired wife to her husband.

------------Original Message------------
Subject: Wife replacement

This is a notice to inform you that your wife has been replaced by a mom bot robot. She might look the same but all of her mental faculties have relocated to a small island in the south pacific. She is currently receiving a hot stone massage in a private beachside villa with pina coladas and hand made pinterest desserts beside her. She most certainly did not just clean the entire contents of a dirty diaper off of two of her children, which was followed by a remake of the shower scene in psycho as mom bot removed the rest of the dirty diaper contents from the entire surface of the smallest child's body. Nor did your wife listen to a full out kicking and screaming tantrum that started in the towel aisle at target and lasted for an hour... Over a kernel of popcorn. When dinner tastes like cardboard And the sparkling clean house you saw yesterday is replaced by an episode of hoarders please consult the mom bot instruction manual. Take note: mom bot is set to auto off when you walk in the door. Good luck.

Ok. Just kidding. Maybe. Love you. Hope your day has been better than mine!

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Date night

Tonight I get to go on a date. And I could not be more excited.Tonight the hubby and I start a new bible study/ community group with our church. The focus is on different aspects of marriage and the set up is genius. Genius. For one hour we go to the church where the kids go play with a baby sitter and have group lesson time with other married couples, presumably of varied ages. (Haven't been yet, but this is my assumption). THEN there is a continued hour and a half of child care coverage so we can Go. On. A. Date.   Dates are a rarity around here. Baby sitters are expensive and hard to find, and we have never been blessed with local family that wants to watch our kiddos.  So the idea of date time, even for an hour, is very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. The pressure is on and I may not have been very graceful in suggesting to my husband last night that this is his chance to come up with brilliant creative ideas that make me feel feel beautiful and special and that don't revolve around food so we can stick our diet and make memories that will last forever so we can have a beautiful healthy and awesome marriage. um. yeah. the word desperate comes to mind. Desperate for time with him. While I adore our children, and am so proud of my husband and where he has come in his career- I want more of us. And no- grocery shopping together will not cut it. I think part of the stress is that we never had the chance to date in the first place. We met on a trip to Italy an Austria with our choir in college. He had graduated and was heading home after the trip. We were both in the chaos of the ends of difficult relationships, but for two weeks we drank wine, ate pasta and explored the most romantic countries on earth. There were odd moments, like helping him select jewelry for his soon to be ex girlfriend and avoiding my recently ex boyfriend who was also on the trip~ and his roommate. But there were also incredible memory building moments like wandering around the Vienna Zoo watching children and seals, and polar bears and elephants. Or Singing together in amazing cathedrals painted with history, tragedy, and beauty. We had a long distance friendship based mostly in emails until he came to visit for one weekend. And then another weekend he came to meet my parents. And then another weekend and we were engaged. Dating was simply not possible. Then we were married, with my toddler son and we were poor.  Too poor for dating. Then came jobs and moves and more babies. Weekly dating has been a laughable concept. But here we are. Date nights a plenty And I wonder if I've missed the point all along. We have a great marriage. We struggle, like any couple, but I have a husband who does truly seek to be a good husband. We put Christ first (or should I say we strive to keep Christ the center of our own lives) so that when we hit hard spots we have a place to fall back on. Maybe I've been too focused on the perfect date than the man I have been given to love. Yesterday I spent nearly 6 hours ironing. Ugh. I hate ironing. Which is why it took nearly six hours. But while I was doing it, I couldn't help but think how happy he would be to come home to a closet full of clothes (and not a 60$ dry cleaning bill). All in all, between him and the boys there were around 22 shirts, 4 pairs of pants and a dress of my own.  It felt really good to bless him like that. Maybe that's how I should approach these date nights~ like the ironing basket instead of my birthday. Maybe dating my spouse is more about how I can bless him than what I get in return. One hour. An hour to give the best of me to the man I love.  Thinking in those terms makes the actual details seem so much less important. Tonight for two and half hours I get to focus on my husband. My Best Friend. My partner in this crazy life and I could not be more excited.

Thursday, October 4, 2012


There is A LOT going on. And I mean that in the it is worth annoying the english teacher in all of you to say "a lot" kind of way! I wish I could say that I've been burried in the Word, being a super awesome mom, cooking healthy food and keeping a super clean home... but no. There has been a ton of too much of this and even more not enough of that. I had started running about a month ago, and while mentaly I'm running marathons and am super eager to get out there and just  do  it, my I've had three babies and eaten too many tamales body is not so keen on the experiment. I'm trying. I even bought you cant buy these at walmart shoes. BUT this week I've been forced to lay off a little. I may or may not have turned to the nutella jar to comfort my hips... and my shins.... and my back.... and my feet. I've also started a major sewing project. A project I am so in love with and am so excited about that I have allowed my house to turn into fabric scrap heaven. Calling all mice. Nest material aplenty.  On top of that I picked back up an older, just as major project. That one is a hand stitched quilt. I love it, but it agravates my wrists so I have to limit my handwork on it to a few days a week. This getting old business stinks. The fact the my children are getting older doesnt help either. Silas suddenly wants conversations, not just snuggles. He speaks sentences. That we actually understand. Balin is learning letters and numbers and that color is made by reflections of light. He loves his new buddy Jace and tells me every day what the kids at school who eat cafeteria lunch have on their trays and yet he is Happy with what I've packed in his lunch bag. My oldest made a solar powered car and refuses to read until I catch him up at 10 pm just wanting to get to that next chapter. His teacher tells me he is an incredible young man and I tell her to hush it he's only a little boy   thank you. I miss my friends but am excited about my new ones.  I have made it to season five of Bones. My garage is clean. My freezer empty. My husband could use a second wife to iron his clothes because my iron is too busy working on my project. This is my life right now, an ugly beautiful mess. A friend wrote a beautiful post today about her missionary life. Amongst pictures of her lived in, used well kitchen she wrote "I chose this. I want this. How quickly I forget." How true. I chose this. When I prayed for snuggly babies I was also praying for whining toddlers. When I prayed to be a stay at home mom I was also asking for what can feel like social isolation so I would available for them. When I prayed that my children would be brave and intellegent I also prayed for them to use those gifts on me, their safest sounding board for rebellion and what happens when I... When I prayed for a home I prayed for the chores that remind me it is mine to care for. I am learning that life is more about the mess than the money shot for the magazine. The blocks on the floor  tell a greater story about what God is doing here than the shots I put on instagram. Achy hips are part of the game. Proof that something happened. What aches in  you tonight? What chore is left undone? What leggo will you step on? Will you let it remind you of the promise? The promise where he tells us we are never alone? That this is all for his Glory.