Happy birthday firstborn

9 years ago today at 7:58 pm, joined by four precious young women, after 24 hours of labor, God helped me bring into this world an 8 lb 10 oz, beautiful baby boy. He had a loud cry and a full head of long blond hair. I spent the entire night holding my precious bundle only handing him over occasionally to the nurses who came to came to check in on him. I remember the quiet. The strange silence of the hospital as I breathed him in and talked to God. How would I go from being a 21 year old crazy minded college student to being a mom? How would I get through graduation and then move on to life? How long would we be alone? How would I not mess this up? Why would God allow me such a beautiful blessing when so many of my godly friends who made wise choices struggled with infertility? It was a long night, full of questions and wonder and joy and fear and above all grace. You see, our creator loves his people. He made us for relationship, and there is no bond greater than mother and child. Because of my Fathers great love for me, this precious child - This unbelievable miracle - was mine. For as long as God allows.
Today I was planning on this post to end in the announcement of his baptism. In the celebration of Aydens own confession and commitment to the Lord. We still celebrate, but my sweet one woke up with an amazing fever. Flu. But despite the disappointment ( we were also going to formally join our church today) God continues to grace us. My parents got to spend yesterday with him while he was in good spirits, and I have recieved such sweet phone calls and messages from friends that remind me that our God wants good things for us. Ayden is rejoicing that although he missed his birthday party he got out of the scary standardized test that has been giving him anxiety- and we can celebrate with friends next weekend.
I am so thankful for every day God has given me with my son. He will always be the one that made me a mommy. The one God used to remind me that through it all I belong to Him- and that even when it gets hard... Like the days we wake up with flu ... we can remember "as a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you " Isaiah 66:13

Being a mom feels like...

the deep end of a wave pool. Its been one of those weeks. Ayden leaves for a long trip to see his Colorado family on Saturday. He loves it. Gets to go camping, fishing, hiking. Gets to breathe cool fresh Colorado air under blue rocky mountain skies. Gets to eat Big City Burrito. Or not. I'll miss him and if I think too much about missing him and my friends and the air and the food and the friends and the friends and the friends it starts to feel like the waves are going too high. I can't touch bottom. But then Silas takes steps and the waves stop and I rest. Or my husband comes home after 36 hours away and hugs me. rest. Then the phone rings and the hospital asks for too much money before Balins surgery on Monday. Half a paycheck actually in just a matter of days. Not possible. Waves. I start crying on the phone with admissions when she says that all she can offer, waves , but she will leave a message with financial services. Financial services accepts my offer of 200$ and I rest then she calls back and tells me I have four months to pay the rest. Waves. He is having surgery. Waves. But its with the chief of pediatric urology at a hoity toity amazing hospital rest.  I read the first book of Harry Potter to Ayden and read great articles that show Grace and give reason for Christians not only enjoy the books but to love them, rest. One more chapter mommy! Rest. But then Balin wakes up with a stomach virus Tuesday night. Waves. And Ayden wakes up last night with the same. Waves. And the baby has really sad diapers. Waves. Waves Waves. My toes are getting rubbed raw from the bottom of the pool. But rest is near. I just have to reach for it. Balin's surgery is scheduled in the afternoon. Another Wave, but he can eat clear liquids and jello- meaning breakfast! until 9:00 am Monday. Rest. My husband will be home all weekend. rest. My mom is helping with the baby, rest. My dad will be home from Africa a day early, rest.  My savior lives. rest. rest. rest. All is to His glory. rest. rest. rest.

My 1000 gifts this week ( a sampling)
friends so good you still miss them after 9 years
burritos so good you still miss them after 9 years
healthy children
talented doctors
novels that inspire imagination
eternity written our hearts
husbands who want to be home, even when they cant
husbands waking in the middle of the night to prepare bottles
soft boy child hair
chocolate eyes framed in licorice lashes
mothers who baby sit
awkward, tipsy first baby steps
confidence I did not teach
children who forgive
bed piled high with pillows