Sunday, August 12, 2012

I want to blog, but

There is so much else I need to do. Today was incredible. The good, the bad, the ugly kind of amazing. The day you know only Gods hand could have arranged. I'll have to skim the details though because in theory a team of packers are supposed to show up in the morning and put my life into boxes. Tonight I still have to empty a dishwasher I haven't yet started, clean a bathroom, pack myself for the week and clean up all the controllers, wii games and "electronic ect..." stuff that I don't want put on the moving truck. But today should be noted.

Today my adult cousin Danny is in the final stage of brain cancer. He is fighting valiantly, surrounded by family. Beautiful pictures are being put on Facebook and his humor and good nature are being remembered. Hospice can be a scary word. A word that we all understand. It is hard. My big boys had planned to spend the early part of this week with my parents so as to keep them out of the movers way. But hospice and remembering and family is more important.

This morning was our last Sunday with our church family here as people who live here. I word it that way because this will be a family we return to. They have become a beloved part of ourselves. I cried the entire service. That is rather unusual for me. Like my second born I pre-grieve. I cry before the hard things happen and often frustrate myself by not being able to access appropriate emotions when the time comes. I'm that girl who laughs at funerals. Not this morning. Tears. So many tears. But honestly? It feels so good to feel so sad. I heard words used this morning to describe my family that a year ago I never would have believed. Satan has done a good job of letting my own insecurities filter into how I view my family, but never again. I don't have to fear the cool table anymore. Jesus bought me the whole cafeteria. Aggie land can be daunting. My high school insecurities are intensified by all those shiny faces and perfect Texas haired heads. All that academic theology. All that ... Bubbleness. We DO have tons to offer and are excited to love this young community with a fresh perspective. I am so thankful for this past year of encouragement and training. My hubby is ready to lead in the office. I'm ready to spiritually mother younger women from the grace of my home.

After church we went through a drive thru for burgers. As the truck in front of us pulled away we saw something under it. I realized it was a kitten. From its movements I first thought it had been run over but when I got out and approached it it jumped up and scampered up onto the sidewalk. Another driver helped me corner it. When I picked it up my heart dropped because it was clearly in distress. It was frothing at the mouth and laboring to breathe. The other driver, who had a cat in his truck, helped wrap it in a towel. Lucas didn't bat an eyelash when I returned with this sick baby to the van. I did not let the boys see it and we drove immediately to an animal hospital where we left it.
On the way home the boys had questions. My first instinct was to tell them the kitty was with the doctors and would be alright. That we did everything we could. Later, when my oldest had questions about my cousin and why he could not go to grammas I realized my mistake. Instead, I explained, we showed mercy to the kitty. We comforted him and showed him love even though he would probably die soon. Love he would not have had. This is mercy. I am not a cat person. They make me sneeze and pee on your clothes. But this cat had no other option. It was in a whataburger drive thru with heavy traffic and 100+ heat index. It surely is gone now, but for 15 minutes it had the love of three little boys.

It's time for us to move on from this town, but for this year we had the love of this family. A precious mercy to our marriage.

Oh Danny. I hope you can feel the love surrounding you as you journey home. I hope you feel Gods mercy in the hands that hold yours. We love you.

1 comment:

  1. your words always draw my heart to Him.
    YOU are INDEED ready to minister to younger women....and anyone else God brings in your path. Oh, my sweet, tender, friend. I love you and yours. Your family is a part of our tapestry and though we will miss you with an ache...I can't wait to see you again! :-)
    Love you, leslie