Monday, June 4, 2012

Pond Scum

Parenting brings its highs and lows. This weekend was a strange mix of both. Thursday was the last day of school for our third grader. He came home with a tummy ache and moped around for most of the afternoon. Friday morning it was still bothering him, along with a headache. Shortly after lunch I took the baby to his 20 month well check apt where he got three shots. He was displeased. When little bit and I got home we found my now 4th grader crying. Daddy and I conferred and considering that he had a flight across the country scheduled the next day... I jumped in the car and took him to urgent care. The place we go is awesome. Its a second branch of a local walk in clinic but its on the north side of town so there is never anyone there. They took us back, brought him some nausea medicine (because he was threatening to get sick...) and the Dr immediately decided to get him CAT scanned because he suspected appendicitis. Truth be told he had a full belly, nothing else. Stress, junk and maybe a bug. He made his flight and is now in Colorado bliss with his bio-dad and family there. Happy little clam I'm sure.
After we dropped Ayden off with his dad at the airport we decided to meet some friends at their winery for their monthly live music night. We drove up and it was a blissful pastoral scene. People in lawn chairs with great wine, listening to great music. A little pond with children playing happily in the sand. Oh that little pond. To be fair.. I naively assumed it was decorative. City slicker that I am. Truth be told it is a stocked pond that is actually very deep. Deep enough to functionally fish and feed our friend the vintner.
Silas has discovered water recently. He LOVES the blow up pool we bought. He calls all liquid "juice" and was quick to point out the juice pond at the winery. We went inside the tasting room, got a glass of sangria and headed back to the lawn to visit with friends. Silas immediately took off towards the pond. Balin slowed him down, Lucas grabbed him and came back over to our seats. He immediately took off again. Lucas was headed his way, but in my state of mommy hood denial I was sure he was fine. GOOD moms don't let their children fall into ponds at wineries. Lucas would get him. So when people started yelling "He's in the water" I almost did not react. Thoughts flooded me that evening like A GOOD mom would have stopped him and held him in her lap where he would have played happily, right? A GOOD mom would have just gone home after their long day and stressful weekend, no? Wouldn't A GOOD mom have been the one to dig him out of the water? But there I was, fetching my pond scum soaked baby out of my pastor's wife's arms after his first rescuer- a stranger- pulled him out. I not only wasn't the first to him, I was the third. I felt like he smelled. Our friend the vintner graciously found us a towel and t-shirt we knotted on the side, and unlike all "good parents" (in my mind) would.. sat back down to finish our sangria. We kept him close to us the rest of the evening and after we got home and washed him sweet soapy clean again he fell asleep laying in my bed, lovie in one hand and my hair in the other. He watched my face as he fell asleep and I realized something. Being a mom is not about not making mistakes. It is not about preventing all injury. It is about how we handle the craziness thrown our way. Being a "good mom" is more about accepting and recognizing the grace our children receive from others than beating ourselves up for them needing grace in the first place. Our kids will have illness we aren't prepared for. They will have challenges we can not handle. They will get themselves in pickles we can't get them out of. But we hold them while they fall asleep... or pack their bags with everything they might possibly need for their journey, or take them for extended medical testing when all they really need is less cupcakes. However we handle these little mini crisis... we really just need to hold on to the One who sees. El Roi. He knows we need comfort along their journey. As our pastor reminded us Sunday, it is not coincidence that there were hands to reach into deep dark waters when ours were too frightened. It was grace and not humiliation when the pastor's wife you so look up to is soaked "pondy-wet" on your child's behalf. It is grace not weakness to wake up and miss desperately your child across the country but feel joy that he is where he needs to be. Oh these blessings. These little grace makers we call our children. Our beloveds; they are His beloveds too. Just as we; scared, scarred, broken, needful- GOOD mommies are His beloveds as well.

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