Thursday, May 3, 2012

When grief is prepared for

Five years ago I was pregnant with my middle child. This sweet son was handed down a simple gund brand lovie blanket. Shaped kind of like a miniature bear rug, the soft blanket has the head of a lion and four soft corners shaped like paws. Balin took to it from a very early age and lion has been an essential part of our family since. Every vacation, journey, activity, trip... Every move, late night, birthday. Lion has witnessed every celebration, every nightmare. Every sickness. It was one of these last illnesses when we realized that lion was probably the cause of many of these infections. As often as I steal him away to get washed I know he carries around more germs than I can get rid of. That coupled with the fact that holding lion equals thumb sucking is even more reason to send lion to... Where? How does a mother who loves her son break his heart? How do I look in his big brown eyes and take away his best friend? After the most recent conversation with Balin about why it was time to let lion go and what options we had ( shelf, send him somewhere, box, ziplock bag) he was so sad. It will be such a loss. But since this conversation occurred while he was still sick we told Balin we would wait until he got well to send lion on his journey. Yesterday afternoon his fever had been gone all day. He came into the room after his nap with lion fully dressed in his own clothes and a backpack full of books, toys and blankets. He had prepared his friend. He was preparing himself. Now if only someone could prepare me for the loss of innocence. My sweet baby boy turns five this summer and starts kindergarten in the fall. He "graduates" preschool in two weeks. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let go of his babyhood, and yet it is inevitable. God has big plans for this child, and as much as I want to protect him and keep him close { lion in hand, thumb in mouth} his time is coming. And like his beloved lion the best I can do is prepare him, and myself, for the long journey ahead. Balin does so with a joyful heart. I pray I will be found as faithful.

1 comment:

  1. i was brought close to tears while reading this. perry has a little lovie and i can't imagine the day we have to say "goodbye". like you emphasized in your post, it symbolizes much more than getting rid of a worn out stuffed animal/blanket :-( best wishes with y'all transition.