Monday, December 20, 2010

Peace = highway part 2, the mountains and valleys

The year we lost Jim was so hard, so {low.} Life began to look more like waves of the ocean or giant mountains and valleys after that. The following June. I got the "come home now" phone call. Lucas had been laid off. We tried so hard to stick it out in Bossier, and our church even helped us financially for a while, but the oil industry was so wrecked after the election and economic downturn that we had no choice but to move in with my parents. As grateful as we were for the help, and as much as we love them, moving back home after being a grownup with kids is about the hardest most humiliating thing that can happen. Telling your children you can no longer provide for them changes your view of just about everything. Signing a piece of paper at school that says you are technically homeless... well... humbling no where near  expresses it. {low} After six months Lucas was offered a job. We had misunderstood his salary before the layoff because he had gone from a training salary to a real salary over several steps. We thought the job he was taking was a raise from before the layoff {high.} It turned out to be quite a bit lower {low}. But we found our first house to rent and were paying less than our apartment in Bossier {High}. By the end of November Lucas was working all the time and suddenly they announced that the jobs were going to be in Laredo... six hours from our home! Lucas was scheduled to be gone from home most of December. There was a chance he would even miss Christmas. {really big low}  To top it off it was again a Colorado year for Ayden. I don't remember much from Christmas last year. Lucas did get there at some point, and my mom did everything she could to make it special, but between grief and missing Ayden I spent many points during the day crying in corners and praying it would just be over.
2010 was just as rocky. We celebrated our fourth anniversary {high} and found ourselves more in love than ever. Lucas spent at least two weeks of almost every month in Laredo {low} At the end of January I found out we were expecting a baby. {high!!} Then came the sickness {low}. But we found an incredible church that drew us into authentic community and took great care of our hearts. I made great friends quickly who are still teaching me. {high} Lucas decided to leave his job and was eventually rehired by the same company he got laid off from {high} but that meant we had to move again {low}. We are now here waiting. Waiting to see what on earth will happen next. I feel myself unable to rest. I clean constantly and am so anxious because for so long life has been a roller coaster. This advent season has been so fast. I feel like I was on a spinning ride and got off and now have to tie my shoes. Like right.. that's not gonna happen. How do we find Peace when our life has been anything BUT peaceful. The answer? Jesus. seriously.   I can explain that and prove it. Tomorrow.

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