Friday, December 4, 2009

I miss...

Corporate Advent, Corporate worship period, my bible study, my moms group, traffic on Airline (100 percent easier than driving with five bazillion 19 year old aggies and their giant trucks and iphones), seeing stars at night, aspen in the fall in Colorado, cherry cider from that place on the road to Estes, impromptu worship nights with my girls, friends, friends with coffee, my husband, Lins kitchen, Monjunis, a size 12,(an nope im not acknowledging the restraunt/size 12 connection) my grandparents, Jim . I miss more, but im not going any further. there is so much to miss this time of year. So many reasons to feel sad. Lucas is gone and worse than that we have no idea when he will come home. Might be as early as next Friday, but might be 2010(seriously). This year reminds me of last year. I am avoiding wrapping presents because I was doing that, and enjoying Christmas shows when my mother in law called me last year to tell us that our beloved Papa Jim had died. He was such a joy to know. I know that for the Tilsens he was a later arrival, meeting Judy when Lucas was allready almost a teenager, but I met him at the same time I met the rest of them, and he was such a comfort to me. Everything seemed foreign and strange up there... but Jim made me feel ok. Like I could belong even if my family does march in the opposing picket lines. He made me fit in, and I miss him.
We've been tortured all week with bored weathermen predicting a major "weather event"... whatever. Remember when I was 7 months preggo and it snowed like three feet and we were stuck in the house for several days? That is a major weather event. This is called sleet. And not even the dangerous kind.
I think when it comes down to it I'm lonely, and then I feel guilty for being lonely because I know that its a GIFT that I get to be here, that I get to be lonely. Six months of unemployment means I shouldnt be complaining. But I miss my friends. And making gingerbread houses with them and singing songs with someone other than myself. Stinky non snow day.. why did you have to put me in a funk?

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