Ground Zero

We are back to knowing nothing. Back to no leads... no interviews and no money. I'm beginning to realize that Surrender is a process. Physically we have surrendered. Everything is gone. Our friends, our home, our life as we knew it is now something that was. We didnt even bring our computer with us, so now even files I asume are hanging around somewhere are not. What I'm having trouble surrendering on is deeper than that though. This cty hold painful memories for me. Bridges burned, not only burned but completely ejected from my life. It represents to me who I was, not who I am. But I'm not sure who "I am" is. I know who I AM is, but I have trouble seeing Him here. If God is really calling us to live here. To stay here... I'm just not ready to surrender to that. I'm trying though. The problem is that I have no idea where to begin. I didn't picture us living here in my parents home for more than a few months. We've been here a whole month now and are no closer to moving. Lucas has been out of work for almost four months now. We have 12 weeks of unemployment benefits left.

As far as my job search goes. Again. No idea where to start. I'm working on my resume.. which looks like absolutely nothing. How do you make six years of the most exciting work in my life, being a mom look good to a stranger who only cares that you can asnwer the phones and keep files where they go?

And back to the no leads.. not exactly true... but I'm no longer getting excited about "possibilities" b/c I don't buy them. L has contacts through a cousin for a job in transportation engineering.. working on the train track system. He also applied for a management position at the local Jewish Community Center... local as in on the other side of Metropolis. He grew up in a JCC in his hometown and would be great at the job. We would be going into it knowing it was a job of service and not mass anount of money... which is fine. We just want to be independent again. (A JCC is the Jewish equivalent of a YMCA by the way for those of you who don't know. They offer sports programming, after school and summer camps, even theatre.) (And yes, you can be a Christian and work there.)
So I know. depressing post. But its where I'm at today. We need prayer. We need answers and movement in our life.

Not Me! Monday

This weeks list of Not Me! moments.

I most certainly did not get angry at my husband for playing games on facebook that I introduced him to and convinced him that he "just had to try them". I did not serve my entire family lunch on paper towels because the thought of making another seven plates dirty made me feel naseus. At that same lunch I also did not cut up a few apples, grab the kids chip containers for their school lunches and call the meal complete. Nope. I always serve yummy well rounded healthy meals. Especially when serving my parents. I have not spent countless hours staring at a map praying that I get to move. anywhere. on it. And the biggest thing I did not do this week was walk around complaining that my mothers house smells like fish... only to realize that the smell came from where I absolutely did not spill a bottle of liquid doggie vitamins.. fish oils to be more exact. Nope. The horrendous embarasing stink did not come from my bedroom. Never. I always smell fresh and clean. Like a daisy.