Wednesday, September 5, 2012


5000. The number of page views blogger told me this blog has. Seems like a number I should mark somehow. Like if I were running a race I would remember where I was at the third mile. Or when your son's third tooth falls out you might remember what restaurant he bit into a corn cob that made that happen. 5000. I wish I had something more significant to note tonight than " the night I sat on my couch". But that is where I am, although so much more has happened. We've been in this house for three weeks now. It feels, thankfully, like many more. The pantry is finally neat and organized. The kids rooms have some art on the walls and homes for all their toys. My bathroom is a perfect sanctuary with the best ever giant tub for lounging. It helps that that room is almost completely soundproof and offers me the protection of THREE lockable doors between the kids and I when I need a moment to breathe. I've found uses for all our furniture, or have given away what we do not need. To sum it up, we are in. Unpacked completely. But settled? That might need some more time. We went to small group with our church from two years ago tonight. We also went last week. It is comfortable, safe, familiar, joyful, challenging, uplifting, peaceful, and encouraging.We are so blessed to be able to walk back into this body and be welcome and accepted. But, because God is never simple and never lets us settle, we are at the same time drawn towards a different church.. a different body. This might make sense if something about our first church was wrong- Or if they were teaching false teachings, or had offended us in any way. But they have not. They love the Gospel. They love the Lord. We are simply trying to see where God wants us to settle. To land. To dig in and grow deeper roots than he has ever allowed us before. I found myself choked up tonight when we broke off into pairs to pray. I want to serve where the Lord wants us, and we have to go where he has prepared. We have to go were we can serve, but also where we can be discipled. For me that means I need spiritual mamas who will guide me and encourage me as I raise my kids. Women who see the endgame. Women who have earned their wisdom by brilliantly beautiful failures and have only grace to hang as trophies on their walls. It is scary to walk into a new situation, a new community and trust that the Lord has guided you there. My beautiful sister announced tonight that they are moving from California  across the country to a new job, a new state, a new everything. She will most certainly be unsettled. I pray I can encourage her as she struggles with the very same trials the Lord has helped us overcome over the past few months. 5000. People have viewed pages on my blog 5000 times. Feels kinda weighty. Important. Are these wasted pages or encouragement to other young Christian mamas. I struggle with insecurity. Am I enough? Do I say the right things? Is this blog too self righteous? To vapid? But the truth is, He is always enough. His word is truth. I am jut a sinner trying to  share my love for my redeemer. 5000 pages of grace. 5000 page views of Meme, simply trying to clear up the fable. the myth. The lies. Motherhood is tough stuff. Life is tough stuff. Jesus knew that. 2000 years ago he knew I would be on this couch at 5000. and his words then apply still today.

John 16:33 (NIV)

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


1 comment:

  1. I am most honored to be among these 5000.
    love and miss you.