unfabled parenting:: The Long Suffering

I'll admit. Long suffering is not a word I have used often, or ever. I had to look it up actual and the definition I found was this: patiently enduring wrongs or difficulties. YUP. We have to endure lots of difficulties as parents. But are we enduring patiently? Not I. I do not like green eggs and Ham. Especially for the 400th time. Especially when that green eggs and ham are actually a child smarting off, or saying no, or dumping peas on the floor, or hitting their brother, or hitting their brother back, or hiding toys under the bed so they dont get put away... you know... all the stuff that drives us nuts. The stuff we put rules against. The things they DO. I have to wonder after spending days on end getting so frustrated with behavior.. finding myself being anything but long suffering... maybe it isn't what they are doing that I'm upset about after all. Maybe its because behind the doing is a yucky heart. I highly recommend these two books Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart. Also the Desiring God  website where this list originally came from. Both of these books deal with parenting from a biblical, Gospel centered focused instead of a worldly behavioral focus. Every disobedient, yucky thing we see in our children can be directly related back to OUR sinful nature. We all sin. We are all born sinning. As we learn to discipline our children, we must remember that God disciplines us as well... because he loves us. Deuteronomy 8:5 says "Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son so the LORD your God disciplines you." In Jeremiah chapter 15 we find The LORD conversing with Jerusalem. After handing down a harsh judgement and warning Jerusalem that He will turn them over to their enemies Jerusalem begs mercy saying in verse 15 "LORD, you understand; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors. You are long-suffering—do not take me away." He responds in vs. 19 “If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them. 20 I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue and save you,” declares the LORD.
21 “I will save you from the hands of the wicked and deliver you from the grasp of the cruel.”
For I am with you to rescue you and save you. We need to be there to rescue our children. Angry or not, frustrated or tired, exhausted from the battle... we need to rescue our babies as best we can. How? With the same grace we are being rescued by. By praying that our Father who is so patient with us.. who is long-suffering... who we know understands.. praying that he will help us be patient and long-suffering with our children.

Unfabled Parenting Week One :: Signs of Life

Thank you for joining me on this Unfabled Parenting Tuesday. It is actually 8:00 pm on Tuesday so by the time I get this typed up and published and you see it in blog land it will most likely no longer be Tuesday. Sorry:-).
I think of all the "Rules" on this list, this very first one is the one that caught my attention. It could be paraphrased "Lets say good stuff about our kids." But that would sadly miss the point. You see, we say a lot. But are we saying enough?
Of all my flaws, I don't think I ever considered that I might not be saying enough. You see, (as if you had not noticed) I'm sorta wordy. I talk lots. I blog lots. I facebook lots. I would probably twitter if I had more time. I often speak without thinking. I often say too much. I often walk away from a conversation and kick myself for speaking too many words. So how could I possibly not be saying enough? The reality that God is slowly trying to teach me.. or that he is aggressively trying to reveal to me but I am only slowly catching on... is that it is the quality not the quantity of my words that matter. It matters more what words I speak than if I speak them. Here are some verses I found today on Bible Gateway. There were hundreds of verses that come up with the word "word," but knowing that Jesus IS the Word... thats not so surprising.

Psalm 119:103

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
words can be a sweet, sweet blessing

Psalm 119:130
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
words can be a source of knowledge

Proverbs 12:18
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
reckless words are damaging

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
words of Grace are healing

Ecclesiastes 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
Words should be simple and full of humility, we are small.. He is ALL

Ecclesiastes 6:11
The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?
too many words become nonsense

Matthew 12:37
 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Our words have consequences!
1 Thessalonians 4:17-18
 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
The words that matter, and will bring the most encouragement, are those of the Gospel!!


Many days I feel like all I do is speak to my children, about my children or on behalf of my children. The fabled blog would be a list of all the good things I said to my children or about my children today. A beautifully edited self proclamation of what a beautiful life we are living and how wonderful my children are. The reality is that most days much of what I say comes in the form of criticism or complaint. To my children- "Stop" "Don't" "No""hurry" "Go" "please" "If you..." About my children, usually when someone compliments them- "but" "not really" "if only you knew" "sometimes".  ugh. and UGLY. I don't always speak negatively, but really.. its much more than I want it to be. I don't know if I would even have been aware of this if I was not looking at what it means to "celebrate verbally'. But after looking at scripture the reality is that our words can heal or harm, bless or sadden. By celebrating verbally in a spontaneous way the little things about our children that show signs of life or goodness (love that part).. our words can help lead our children to the Gospel! By celebrating when Ayden shows kindness to his brother or friends at school I can show him that loving others is what we are called to do! By commending Balin on not whining when I ask him to put away his toys I can train him in diligence. By praising Jesus at the breakfast table when Silas sleeps for more than two hours at a time over night we can all taste the sweet honey of blessing!
How can you verbally celebrate your kids this week? Do you find it hard to speak verbally of the positive "signs of life" in your children?


















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Unfabled Parenting

I've decided to take some action on my heart this year. The bitterness and jealousy that tries to steal it need to be banished. Jesus can do that. To help Him help me (not that he needs help) I'vejumped into a couple of bible studies at the church we've been visiting. One is Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart. The other is more of a moms group. They are following a study, but really, with 9 moms and all the kids running around Chik-fil-A it is more a shower of refreshing fellowship and conversation with people who say words other than "poop" and "Pthhhbbbeeettth." I've also decided to start pursuing some gospel driven parenting ideas. I'm not organized. I'm not goal oriented. I don't often make check lists. But one day a while back I found this list on some website somewhere. I don't remember where or how I found it, but here it is...


A Parental List of Rules to Live ByCourtesy John Piper

Let there be much spontaneous celebration verbally of every hopeful sign of life and goodness in our children.


Let us forgive them often and be longsuffering.

Let us serve them and not use them.

Let us lavish them with joyful participation in their interests.

Let us model for them the joy of knowing and submitting to the Lord Jesus.

Let us apologize often when we fall short of our own Father’s requirements.

Let us pray for them without ceasing.

Let us saturate them with the word of God from the moment they are in the womb (the uterus is not sound proof).

Let us involve them in happy ministry experiences and show them it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Let them see us sing to the King.

Let us teach them relentlessly the meaning of the gospel in the hope that God will open their eyes and make them alive. It happens through the gospel (1 Peter 1:22-25).
 
 
My goal.. if I dare use that word is to take one of these subjects one day a week and blog about how I have or have not implemented it in my parenting. Please join me and feel free to COMMENT about how you have or have not or would or would not. I know God has big plans for my parenting this year and could use your imput! I would love to start seeing some conversations grow here in The Life Unfabled. So look for my Unfabled Parenthood posts on Tuesdays.  I can't wait to see how God moves us :-).