Because they don't stay little

Sometimes it hits you all too hard that your baby is not really a baby anymore. Maybe it was the joke he cracked, that was really funny OR maybe he got himself dressed and ready to go without any help. Maybe he made a friend or told you about his day in perfect detail. It might have been that word he used to say that was so beautifully wrong that to hear him say it correctly sorta breaks your heart. This was one of those mornings. My little guy. Possibly my last baby. So big. So fast. TOO fast. So I skipped my meeting. I left the dishes on the counter. I planned no dinner. This morning I took my pumpkin to see pumpkins, and goats, and bunnies. To be little, for even just one more morning of little memories. 

One of those days

Today is one of those days. The kind that begins around 2am awake in your bed with a throw blanket from the couch instead of your bedding because the baby got sick on your comforter before you could set up the pack n play at the foot of your bed where he is moaning and gagging and making awful sounds and your five year old's knees are in your back because he "doesn't want to sleep in his room and he's scared for baby brother" and your husband is snoring because he got up early to take care of getting kids to school the morning before because you thought you might have strep. It's the kind of day you pull your hair back into a pony tail and let the lipstick slide and wait by the phone for the clock to say 8:00 so you can get the baby in to the dr and even though you know the diagnosis already you pack him up and stand rocking him In the waiting room so he stops crying just to hear the words "it's just a virus" from a professional. It is the kind of day you take the stroller into target to protect everyone else so you can buy vitamins throat drops and baby tylenol. The kind of day the pumpkins in the crock pot that were going to become pumpkin bread instead will probably become Monday's mystery stink from the garbage in the garage and the kind of day you can already tell requires pizza for dinner.

But it is also a day you receive sweet encouragement from friends and smile as your sick one goes and gets himself ice from the freezer drawer to suck on and snuggles into your shoulder and asks for "more cold juice" and Elmo. It is a day you are reminded that you simply can not do it all, but you are held in the arms of a creator who can. He calms the storms and comforts his people. He heals the sick and provides the bread. So today is one of those days. The ones covered in grace and kisses and pedialyte. Those days I am so thankful for.

Pond Scum

Parenting brings its highs and lows. This weekend was a strange mix of both. Thursday was the last day of school for our third grader. He came home with a tummy ache and moped around for most of the afternoon. Friday morning it was still bothering him, along with a headache. Shortly after lunch I took the baby to his 20 month well check apt where he got three shots. He was displeased. When little bit and I got home we found my now 4th grader crying. Daddy and I conferred and considering that he had a flight across the country scheduled the next day... I jumped in the car and took him to urgent care. The place we go is awesome. Its a second branch of a local walk in clinic but its on the north side of town so there is never anyone there. They took us back, brought him some nausea medicine (because he was threatening to get sick...) and the Dr immediately decided to get him CAT scanned because he suspected appendicitis. Truth be told he had a full belly, nothing else. Stress, junk and maybe a bug. He made his flight and is now in Colorado bliss with his bio-dad and family there. Happy little clam I'm sure.

After we dropped Ayden off with his dad at the airport we decided to meet some friends at their winery for their monthly live music night. We drove up and it was a blissful pastoral scene. People in lawn chairs with great wine, listening to great music. A little pond with children playing happily in the sand. Oh that little pond. To be fair.. I naively assumed it was decorative. City slicker that I am. Truth be told it is a stocked pond that is actually very deep. Deep enough to functionally fish and feed our friend the vintner.

Silas has discovered water recently. He LOVES the blow up pool we bought. He calls all liquid "juice" and was quick to point out the juice pond at the winery. We went inside the tasting room, got a glass of sangria and headed back to the lawn to visit with friends. Silas immediately took off towards the pond. Balin slowed him down, Lucas grabbed him and came back over to our seats. He immediately took off again. Lucas was headed his way, but in my state of mommy hood denial I was sure he was fine. GOOD moms don't let their children fall into ponds at wineries. Lucas would get him. So when people started yelling "He's in the water" I almost did not react. Thoughts flooded me that evening like A GOOD mom would have stopped him and held him in her lap where he would have played happily, right? A GOOD mom would have just gone home after their long day and stressful weekend, no? Wouldn't A GOOD mom have been the one to dig him out of the water? But there I was, fetching my pond scum soaked baby out of my pastor's wife's arms after his first rescuer- a stranger- pulled him out. I not only wasn't the first to him, I was the third. I felt like he smelled. Our friend the vintner graciously found us a towel and t-shirt we knotted on the side, and unlike all "good parents" (in my mind) would.. sat back down to finish our sangria. We kept him close to us the rest of the evening and after we got home and washed him sweet soapy clean again he fell asleep laying in my bed, lovie in one hand and my hair in the other. He watched my face as he fell asleep and I realized something. Being a mom is not about not making mistakes. It is not about preventing all injury. It is about how we handle the craziness thrown our way. Being a "good mom" is more about accepting and recognizing the grace our children receive from others than beating ourselves up for them needing grace in the first place. Our kids will have illness we aren't prepared for. They will have challenges we can not handle. They will get themselves in pickles we can't get them out of. But we hold them while they fall asleep... or pack their bags with everything they might possibly need for their journey, or take them for extended medical testing when all they really need is less cupcakes. However we handle these little mini crisis... we really just need to hold on to the One who sees. El Roi. He knows we need comfort along their journey. As our pastor reminded us Sunday, it is not coincidence that there were hands to reach into deep dark waters when ours were too frightened. It was grace and not humiliation when the pastor's wife you so look up to is soaked "pondy-wet" on your child's behalf. It is grace not weakness to wake up and miss desperately your child across the country but feel joy that he is where he needs to be. Oh these blessings. These little grace makers we call our children. Our beloveds; they are His beloveds too. Just as we; scared, scarred, broken, needful- GOOD mommies are His beloveds as well.

Very special day part 1

Today we rejoiced with OUR church family as we formally joined in membership. We are honored to be a part of this family that seeks the Lord, teaches consistent reformed, accurate theology. ( you won't get the lie that Jesus wants you to live in comfort and financial blessing here). They have embraced us and all of our quirks and we are thrilled to be involved and actively serving here. We also baptized all of the boys. It has been quite a journey from not understanding infant baptism ( done from a reformed Presbyterian view/ which is that baptism is the sign an seal of our covenant relationship with God for us and our children. I still don't think I'm comfortable enough to go into any more that, but for my other Christian friends who don't practice this know that we do not believe baptism to be salvitic. We are saved only by the Grace of the blood of the lamb.

Little Bear

Our little mister is not so little anymore. It hit me today that my BABY is almost 2. Only four months left. He is blowing us away recently with his verbal skills, which I'll admit I have been a little concerned about. All of the sudden though he is talking up a storm and making sentences too! Here are a few examples of his new big boy vocabulary; " truck go" "pick up" ( As in pick me up, or pick that up) "eat" "drink" ( "juice" can mean anything from milk to Water to soda to whatever we have in our hand... Soy sauce?) "see that?!" "look!" he calls his daddy "papa" and his lovies " meme". for Dog he makes this really low guttural growl that cracks us up. If he wants something he makes the gimme gimme sign and says "me!". He has had down for a while " night night" " hi" and " bye-bye". He even has some friends and knows their names, which is saying more than I can for my other sons ;) just kidding - sorta. " Saynee" ( Sadie) "no-nuh" ( jonah) and "ammy" ( Sammy). He also says "book" which applies to the iPad as well. He calls his brothers "Ayden" and "bubba" Physically he is now climbing on everything- including the bunk bed. Thanks to some good advice I've taught him to climb down instead of just trying to keep him away from it. I have more confidence he isn't going to break a leg and he is much happier. He still carries around as many lovies as he can get away with, and insists on sitting in a normal chair at the table. We love this sweet boy and all the adventures he brings with him.

Acres of Texas Wildflowers

Acres of Texas Wildflowers

Yellow beauties strike a pose.
Black-eyed Susan like a sweet kiss,
Chocolate flower, Yellow primrose,
Huisache, Nettle, Coriopsis.

Flowery Whites are making merry.
Magnolia is a famous bragger,
Dogwood, Yucca, Dewberry,
Bishop's Weed and Spanish Dagger.

All the Blues like sky and sea,
Bluebonnets a nice surprise,
Bachelor Button, Scurfy Pea,
Plum and Bluebells, Baby Blue-eyes.

Wild Reds will bowl you over.
Indian Paintbrush, wild esprit,
Ocotillo, Crimson Clover,
Prickly Pear and Redbud Tree.

Crazy colored quilts fanatic,
When they bloom in wild array,
Nothing could be more dramatic
Than Texas in a grand bouquet.

BuscadorDel Palabra

Lovies

All of my sweet boys have bonded to specific lovie objects. Our oldest claimed three fluffy blankets with satin edges when he was a toddler, our middle child claimed a lion shaped blanket and Silas adores his Aden and Anais swaddle blankets. I especially love Silas' blankets. His first Aden and Anais blanket was one of my first purchases I made for him. Being the third child he gets a lot of hand me downs, and I wanted to do at least some shopping to welcome this sweet child. I fell in love with this blanket. Who wouldnt love the little goldfish? Ultimately we have a very gluttonous collection of these blankets. At least 8. There. I confessed. BUT "Fishy Lovie" is by far the favorite. And the one he calls by name.

 Today we had to make make a run to Target for some anoying necesities. We, myself and two toddlers, had finished and unloaded back into the car. Still reeling from a very expensive prescription purchase and hauling two very heavy toddlers into their car seats I was done and ready to leave when I notice something missing. Fishy Lovie was not in the buggy or the car! Ack. I was not looking forward to searching the entire store, but alas, I loaded the boys back into a buggy tears and all and headed back in. Not more than a few hundred feet into the store a sweet pair of siblings from our church came around the corner. They suddenly began to glow like superheroes when I realized what they were carrying!! FISHY LOVIE! They saw him laying in the aisle and immediately recognized him as belonging to my sweet one. I'm not sure what was more tender to me, that they recognized my child's lovie or that God would ordain their feet at that specific time to be the ones to find it. You cant tell me God doesnt love these precious little ones. I know there is some debate in mommy world about attachment items. I personaly think they are wonderful, and I'm a stay at home mommy with healthy adjusted attached to the parents children.  I have happily allowed my children to bond to an item that they can have and hold as theirs alone. Comfort they can keep close. Some argue that we should teach them to trust Jesus first, that attachement items make children focus on stuff, but I disagree. Don't tell my Balin that his lion isnt real. It isnt a belonging, but a friend.

 I could feel the hand of God today, reaching down to stroke my cheek, touch my hair. Saying life can be hard baby, I love you, here's a hug, a piece of comfort for you to hold close today. As parents we get to be that comfort. We get to kiss our childrens temples and put them to sleep with a snuggle and often a friend. Today these friends from  church got to be that for us. Doing something as simple as rescuing a lost lovie from a certain dirty end, the Church exists to be the body of Christ. It doesnt have to be huge miracles or world changing events! God is glorified in acts as simple as bringing comfort to a one year old and changing his mommy's entire focus for the day! I went from frustration over the cost of medicine to joy over my baby's smile. Its that simple my friends. Joy. In a lovie.

Security

Sometimes security is easy. Sometimes all it takes is a hug. Or a home. Or a warm bed. Sometimes it takes no less than six blankets and a pillow. How grateful I am that even when we do not feel secure, we can rest in the Promise.

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone o Lord will keep me safe  Psalm 4:8

4th of July

The Squinchy Face

Silas makes a face that cracks us up. We think it stems from his impression of the face that we have made at him his entire life when he reaches up to grab our glasses or stick his fingers up our nose. So without further adiu.. I present to you.... the Squinchy Face

The Squinchy Face is always accompanied by giggled and a bounce. Often he bounces several times with his arms in the air and then pushes off into our arms. I love the Squinchy Face... and the happy baby it is attached to.

I believe in Miracles

Yesterday we had an amazing spontaneous family near-cation day. As in we drove two hours and spent the night in a hotel and then all day Saturday playing tourist in a town NEAR by. I have lots to share about that, but first our miracle. Sometimes I doubt stories that people share about miracles. I'm a keep my feet firmly planted on the ground kinda gal and tend to think (wrongly) that God is busy doing his heavy duty work elsewhere. Yesterday he saved my baby. I need to share.

We spent all day doing fun tourist vacationy things. A morning at the aquarium followed by a movie and then of course a visit to the mall to do some tourist shopping. The boys were exhausted. Beyond exhausted actually but determined to play on the sea themed toddler playground. This is one of those squishy playgrounds where all the structures are made of that hard foam stuff that you find in malls.  Everything was great. Silas was loving it. He crawled all over the place and was so. happy. We played for about 20 minutes and then decided it was time to go get dinner and head home. Lucas and I had been sitting in the floor the entire time staying close to Silas and watching for big kids or danger. In the center of the playground was a sand castle themed slide with a tunnel underneath. Silas LOVED the tunnel. Especially with Mommy on one side and Daddy on the other. As we were getting ready to leave we decided to let him go through one last time. Lucas went to one side while I stayed on the other with my sweet baby.  He crawled through and came out on the other side. Just as he cleared the tunnel I noticed quick movement above me at the top of the slide and then -in what felt like slow motion- saw a pair of feet come down right on my baby. right down on him.  I got to him fast. So fast Lucas had not even had time to pick him up. I scooped him up before he could even catch his breath to cry. Lucas pointed out that the next time one of my children have a giant being or object dropped on their back I might not want to rush to pick them up. When he did cry it was his big cry. At about this time I register the giant child standing in front of me asking if Silas is ok. The kid had to be as tall as my 8 year old, but was was wider.  Probably weighed 80-90 pounds. At least. We went into crisis mode, stepping out of the playground to get a better grasp on what was happening. He was breathing. His eyes were okay. He wasn't bleeding. He was moving his legs. There were no external markings except for a big red area. We had him stand, he stood, went into crawling position... and took off giggling.   No kidding. He was absolutely fine. Lucas saw this happen too. I didn't imagine it. There was a group sized gasp when it happened from every other adult in the playground. The giant child jumped off a 5 foot play structure. Landed on my baby's back... and Silas was just fine. Granted~ the playground has that squishy flooring and Silas was on his knees so his knees probably took the brunt of the force into the squishy floor, but still. I know God had his hand on that one. The kid who jumped by the way was impressive. He was genuinely concerned about Silas. Not because he was afraid he would get in trouble, but because he knew as well that the baby should have been injured. He wanted to make sure Silas was ok. We had a little chat. I made sure he knew Silas was okay, but gently reminded him that this was why there are rules that big kids can not play on the playground. I pointed out the rules at the door and asked him to wait patiently like my own big kid had to. I then made sure that he was ok. I didn't want the kid going home with nightmares about squashing babies.
 I've had moments of panic as a mother, but strangely this was not one of them. Not after the initial check of his sweet little being. He was okay. By God's sweet grace he was ok. He's got the itty bitty baby in his hands, he's got the itty bitty baby in his hands, he's got the itty bitty baby in his hands, he's got the whole world in his hands...

Boy in the Roses

My mommy had two boys and wanted a baby girl. She got me.

 And while she wouldn't trade me for anything and has fallen head over heels in love with my all boy bruiser personality she still has the tendency to

                                                  try to take my picture next to flowers.

                        

I guess they are kind of interesting

But next time Mom, could you at least let me get my feet muddy?

I almost didn't recognize you...

You know how it goes. You run into someone at the mall, or church, or on facebook and you just know you know them. They look so familiar. They sound familiar. They clearly know you... but you just cant place them. WHO ARE YOU you wonder, while gracefully (or not so gracefully) pretending to be in the know. Well, this happened to me this week. He says his name is Mr. Sandman. He is tall dark and very very handsome. His voice is soothing and alluring. He claims he has excelent skills working with children. He came to my house three times in the past week and set up shop in the nursery. WHO ARE YOU? I asked him. He just smiled. He says he works in ten to twelve hour shifts and may  or may not return tomorrow. I'll tell you what... I may not have seen him in these past eight months, but he is surely welcome anytime he wants!

the littles

Ayden spent a week with his other family for spring break. We took the chance to get some pictures of the little brothers togather. My favorite are the ones of Balin teaching Silas the proper fingers to suck on.