Options

So my last post came from a pretty deep place of vulnerability. I received so much amazing encouragement after it and I'm so thankful for those of you who stepped up to encourage me. I'm thankful for you silent ones too. I see the clicks and know you read it. Knowing you see this helps. It's strange, but just having that number that says, yup two people read such and such post makes me feel heard. Selfish, but honest.

We received lots of questions too. The number one question was why are we looking into a new agency? What's wrong with the first one? Nothing. Nada. We love "agency a". They stole our hearts the first night we met met them. We are going forward with the documents they need. For now. 

Adoption is changing. More and more mamas are choosing to parent their babies. This is largely because there is no longer the stigma of single parenthood. This can be a good or bad. Being a single mom is hard. It's super hard. It's uber awful hard. I know. I did it. And I did it with copious amounts of support and a husband who showed up fast. And while I'm grateful I was surrounded by grace and mercy, I also am horrified that young women (or even older professional women) think being a single parent is easy and a trendy goal. No matter how you slice it, being a parent is crazy hard. There are so many single parents in my life and I am so proud of all of them. This is no way a judgement of your situation, but the problem is that parenting is harder than one thinks, and love does not feed babies. Both agencies we have met with have long histories of Domestic Infant adoption (DIA). They've placed hundreds of babies. Both agencies value openness between adoptive families and child regarding the truths around that child's birth story. Both agencies have seen dramatic down turns on the number of mamas placing babies. Last year, these two agencies- one small and one huge- both placed 3 babies. That's all. Every baby brought to them is now in a loving safe home. The gentleman we met with last night showed us 13 children available for a legal risk (foster to adopt, meaning will most likely be legally free to adopt soon) since last THURSDAY. And that's just in his region of Texas. 

The facts were not what I expected. He gave us percentages in the 90% range of kids who are "legal risk" being adopted by their foster to adopt family. He said hoping for a young toddler and maybe even a young sibling group was not at all crazy. I've watched adopting friends grieve lost placements. I've watched adopting friends revel in the joy as well. This is a scary road. But I'm hopeful. We are now going to pursue foster adoption. Two roads. Two options. One God. One story. He's got this. We are just along for the ride.

BY ROBERT FROST
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Naming Rights

Naming your child is your right and privilege. It is an inherent accepted important part of parenting. In scripture with all of the parents and children we rarely see examples of day to day parenting. There are no examples of potty training or teaching little ones to tie their sandals or clean their room. There are no nursery decorating chapters or how to pick a doctor tid bits. In fact there are very few scriptures even dedicated to pregnancy. But with almost every single example of children being born there is a huge emphasis on naming that child. It is a big stinkin deal. Often, as with the children of Leah, those names come from a very intimate place within the mother's heart. Naming my children has been a treasure for me. The names matter.  They aren't selected because of popularity or ease of spelling, but their meaning and inheritance matter to us.

As a parent naming your child is your right and privilege. {Even when you place them for adoption.} Waiting  on a child that will be born from another woman's womb has so many complicated layers. Expectations have to change, and often be beat back with a pitch fork. You simply can not plan for the unknown, and yet naming your child matters. To reconcile these truths is a reality I haven't come to. 

We were given a name for her. But we hold it loosely. If we have an infant through open infant adoption she will be called this name from the moment we hold her. But her mother will also be able to name her, a name from her heart that she will treasure. We want to honor her if possible by incorporating her chosen name into our chosen name... If possible. Some families adopting older children change their name, and if that makes sense we might consider that as well. The difficult picture would be if we go down the foster adopt road. Then we would have to call the child their given name for who knows how long. At that point it might too difficult on everyone to change it. 

But we have her name, or at least her waiting name. Over a year ago our sweet Balin, who was then five told us that his baby sister would be named Charlotte Grace. 

From the first time he said it, we recognized the name as special. And then when playing with some third names ( yup.) we found a combination that means "The undeserved gift of a wished for daughter". There's no denying that calling our sweet girl Charlotte, even if it is just a temporary while we wait for her name, makes perfect sense! So no hating if ten years down the road I'm blogging about Nora or Bethe or Violet or Pearl. But for now, we call her Charlotte.  It seems a fitting time, as we prepare for another road trip for that interest meeting I wrote of a few days ago, to reveal our hash tag. Laugh yourself silly, but I need a way to mark my posts about her. I need a way to invite y'all in to go through this with me. I'll be labeling fundraiser posts and blog posts in Instagram so if you feel like sharing you can tag it too :). So here we go, continuing on our journey, wondering how many #milestocharlotte.