Curtains

Today was a much better day. Woke up before 7 with the littles in my bed. Made them waffles, which they did not eat, and then the boys and I came up with some chores they can help with. It seems like a work in progress but the general idea is they earn screen time by doing jobs written on cloths pins I have clipped to a jar. When they do a job they drop their pin in. Ayden wants to trade screen time for money. We will see... After that we ran errands and found a park where we played in the shade and DID NOT get sweaty. It was a minor miracle. Hooray for low(er) humidity. This afternoon I made curtains out of table cloths. Easy peasy. Cut them in half and then seal the raw edge with a heat-n-bond strip to make a hem. They come the same length as window panels so thats not an issue. Then just hang with curtain clips. It still took all afternoon but it's done and the room feels more complete. Thanks for the encouragement yesterday :) it helped.

Settling

We officially opened out last box today. All the boxes are OUT of the house. Most items are at least somewhere close to where they need to be. This house has some great details. The overall feel is exactly our personality. The master bathroom is amazing ( as amazing as you can get in this price range). BUT there are some issues. We had walk in closets before- in every bedroom. This house has none. All the closets are shallow. The extra space is a fourth room which is great because we have an office now, but it has definitely been a challenge finding a spot for everything. The linen closet is holding all of my china and extra appliances. The little boys dresser ( my moms when she was a little girl) is now serving double duty as a dining room buffet. There is a stack of extra blankets and comforters that have no where to live. I'm sure eventually I'll get all this stuff into places, but then what? We signed a 9 month lease. The owners want to get this house SOLD. In six months I have to be willing to let house be shown. Option "a" is to buy it ourselves. Which is completely doable. Option "b" is to buy something else. I like the idea of knowing what we are getting. But at the same time I wonder is there something better? The very thought of moving again makes me want to punch my own face. My wrists are swollen and fingers all carpal tunnely numb. I have cardboard paper cuts in between many of my fingers. But more than that I just want to be settled. I want to not have to question. Where do I live? Decisions have to be made like do we or do we not accept an incredible gift from my parents in my sisters old bunk bed. Is it worth the drama of moving it here just to move it again? Do I buy new curtains or stick with the old? Does it matter if the gate gets repaired? is there room here to adopt a baby girl? Should I buy a second dresser or just stick with plastic tubs? Exhausting. All this effort centered around stuff. It was almost easier when we knew our homes had no potential to be permanent. It is easier to trust God to lead us blindly than when we have our eyes set on our own destination. Maybe instead of house I should be thinking home. Maybe service and budget and space and boys should be More important than curtain color or parking.
I was convicted tonight of being too hard on my boys. I've been mean this week. Yesterday I said something flip to Lucas about not wanting any more children because they all turn five. It was awful. Balin heard and was convinced it meant I did not want him anymore. I've ignored them and set them in front of movies for too long. So tomorrow we start making this house a home. And this time it has nothing to do with boxes and nails and cardboard. It's time I start showing my boys the same kindness and encouragement I show everyone else around me. So if you don't see me on Facebook or on here know I'm busy HOME making.

I want to blog, but

There is so much else I need to do. Today was incredible. The good, the bad, the ugly kind of amazing. The day you know only Gods hand could have arranged. I'll have to skim the details though because in theory a team of packers are supposed to show up in the morning and put my life into boxes. Tonight I still have to empty a dishwasher I haven't yet started, clean a bathroom, pack myself for the week and clean up all the controllers, wii games and "electronic ect..." stuff that I don't want put on the moving truck. But today should be noted.

Today my adult cousin Danny is in the final stage of brain cancer. He is fighting valiantly, surrounded by family. Beautiful pictures are being put on Facebook and his humor and good nature are being remembered. Hospice can be a scary word. A word that we all understand. It is hard. My big boys had planned to spend the early part of this week with my parents so as to keep them out of the movers way. But hospice and remembering and family is more important.

This morning was our last Sunday with our church family here as people who live here. I word it that way because this will be a family we return to. They have become a beloved part of ourselves. I cried the entire service. That is rather unusual for me. Like my second born I pre-grieve. I cry before the hard things happen and often frustrate myself by not being able to access appropriate emotions when the time comes. I'm that girl who laughs at funerals. Not this morning. Tears. So many tears. But honestly? It feels so good to feel so sad. I heard words used this morning to describe my family that a year ago I never would have believed. Satan has done a good job of letting my own insecurities filter into how I view my family, but never again. I don't have to fear the cool table anymore. Jesus bought me the whole cafeteria. Aggie land can be daunting. My high school insecurities are intensified by all those shiny faces and perfect Texas haired heads. All that academic theology. All that ... Bubbleness. We DO have tons to offer and are excited to love this young community with a fresh perspective. I am so thankful for this past year of encouragement and training. My hubby is ready to lead in the office. I'm ready to spiritually mother younger women from the grace of my home.

After church we went through a drive thru for burgers. As the truck in front of us pulled away we saw something under it. I realized it was a kitten. From its movements I first thought it had been run over but when I got out and approached it it jumped up and scampered up onto the sidewalk. Another driver helped me corner it. When I picked it up my heart dropped because it was clearly in distress. It was frothing at the mouth and laboring to breathe. The other driver, who had a cat in his truck, helped wrap it in a towel. Lucas didn't bat an eyelash when I returned with this sick baby to the van. I did not let the boys see it and we drove immediately to an animal hospital where we left it.
On the way home the boys had questions. My first instinct was to tell them the kitty was with the doctors and would be alright. That we did everything we could. Later, when my oldest had questions about my cousin and why he could not go to grammas I realized my mistake. Instead, I explained, we showed mercy to the kitty. We comforted him and showed him love even though he would probably die soon. Love he would not have had. This is mercy. I am not a cat person. They make me sneeze and pee on your clothes. But this cat had no other option. It was in a whataburger drive thru with heavy traffic and 100+ heat index. It surely is gone now, but for 15 minutes it had the love of three little boys.

It's time for us to move on from this town, but for this year we had the love of this family. A precious mercy to our marriage.

Oh Danny. I hope you can feel the love surrounding you as you journey home. I hope you feel Gods mercy in the hands that hold yours. We love you.