If home is where the Heart is what happens when your heart is torn?

Tonight I've spent what feels like the last 20 years browsing homes to rent online. It's been frustrating finding some we like but are not available and then feeling like we just really need to be there to get a better understanding. I even came across a friends home from when we lived there before. It's kinda my dream house. It's blue. It has dark cabinets and a giant bathroom. It is directly across the street from a pool and playground In a super clean community with sidewalks.( It is also well above our price limit.) It's such a strange feeling though having this giant question mark over our heads and then seeing that home... The one where we dropped our boys off early in the morning on our way to the hospital to meet Silas. The home we spent every Wednesday night celebrating great community and fellowship. We spent a Seder there and our last evening before we moved sat in that living room and cried over our transitions away from there as we were prayed over by a room full of Jesus loving college students. It was a home full of grace and a sweet place for us in our memories. It will be strange to not return to it to visit our friends, but I have faith God will bring them a buyer or renter quickly as I am sure they are praying for that fervently. It makes me wonder what else will have changed and where will we fit? I was limited when we were there before being pregnant and Lucas being away with work so much. This will be different. I'll be able to reach out more, serve more, love more with our home. This waiting part is difficult. I know He has a plan. I know there are options. I guess I'm just eager to begin. I wonder who I'll bring over to fellowship with first. Who will I make coffee for? Who will be sitting at that table and what will the wall color be, and will it be as sweet as before? As sweet as now? Will my heart ever accept its many homes and places? Could it be a home is something more than walls and tables~A sum of a persons joy over years and miles? I imagine heaven and the banquet table. How wonderful to have all the pieces of my heart together and feasting in our Lords presence. For now I'm just squeezing in a few more chairs at this moving table.
Thank you for reading this blog. I feel like my readers are a true part of this story. You are welcome at this table as I flounder though the journey He has written. Thank you for bearing witness to His work in me and for sharing and encouraging me through this journey.