Conflicted.

School. Not an easy discussion around here. Between me, my husband, my parents, my mother in law, my sister, my friends, my church I get so much input. The question is what do I do with my output? We Homeschooled Ayden from January of last year until the end of school. We tried public school for an entire semester. I hated it. Ayden hated it. His teacher didn't care. Ayden was labeled a "problem". The principal refused to help. Ayden wasn't learning anything except that he was "bad" or a "fool" as his teacher liked to tell him. So we decided to homeschool. I used to be 100 percent anti homeschool. There was no way around it, I thought kids who are homeschooled turn out wierd and stupid. Nope. I've met some amazing people lately who are kind and generous and normal (whatever that means.) I'll tell them I homeschool and they tell me "oh yeah, I was homeschooled my entire life" really? I don't know why I'm surprised. But I was. Thats honest. This was not Ayden's first time to try public school either. He entered a pre-k public program and it was three months before the teacher stopped calling me in every day after class to talk about Ayden's behavior. I know maturity has a ton to do with how well public school kids do. Personality and nature as well. I know some kids do awesome in public school and thrive and have a great experience. So why am I so hesitant to put Ayden ito school this year? Why does the idea of packing up his school supplies make my stomach turn? Is it because I'm afraid he isn't mature enough yet? maybe... or maybe its something more. We LOVE homeschooling. not every day of course, but in general it has been amazing to watch him learn and grow. To know what he is learning, and know what he is accomplishing. So why am I not convinced?? Why is not such an easy question to answer. I have lesson plans written, curriculum purchased, pencils sharpened. I'm ready. We started this morning and it was great. He did 25 minutes of phonics on a computer driven program that gives me great feedback. We reviewed the dolch sightword list (which he seems to have forgotten most of in the past month.) We took a spelling pre-test which he aced. We read two chapters from Stuart Little and learned about title pages and words such as "perspiration", "emerged" and "louse". We read scripture and talked about how God wants us to follow the ways of the wise and not the wicked, and that He wants us to love our neighbors, and yes that includes the snotty girls a building over. We made bookmarks and a title page for our portfolio. We read Danny and the Dinosaur and Biscuit Goes to School. And he was happy. There were no tears. There was no complaining. We even rode his bike around the block and visited some friends too. When little brother wakes us we are going to the library to get books on archeaology and the red river. We love homeschooling.

So the problem is this: we have no clue what God is doing with out life. There are two potentioal jobs at the moment, both of which stand as equal a chance of falling through as coming to fruition. A. We end up in North Dakota in a job that will most certainly require me to return to work. (in a town with less than 16,000 people and limited work ability)or B. We end up in Colorado somewhere, most likely Grand Junction in a job where I could certainly stay home or work part time. Neither of these jobs seems to be happening very quickly. Both would start after the beginning of school in Conroe. Conroe starts on August 25th.

As of this week. I'm homeschooling. I have my husbands support on this. I guess if by the time School starts we havent heard anything about either of these jobs or if we know these jobs won't happen I'll be forced to enroll him in school. I'll have to get a job while we wait for Luas to get a job.

I know God has a plan here. I pray for all grownups in Ayden's life to be on the same ground and have the same goals for him. I pray that we will all know accept and understand what I as Mom am supposed to do. I pray for discernment. Quickly. I pray for motivation in whatever direction we are supposed to go. Lord, answer us soon..


I would love to get feedback on this. Any ideas or impressions you would like to share are welcome. I know people read this blog... i have a sitemeter:-). I don't know who you are, but I know there are people from all over the country who check in and lurk here. Give me your thoughts. ..