Silas is our bravest son. Usually. He leaps from tables, climbs any object he can get his toes on and has been known to dive into deep waters. We constantly tell people "this is the one we have to watch." my sweet babe appears to have no fears at all, except one. Fire. We think it started when we took the boys to a hibachi grill last April. Everything was fine until the chef lit the grill on fire ( part of the show). While safe, the fire heats your face for a second. Silas may have been scared by the actual heat or the suddenness of it, but either way he is now terrified of heat, flame, smoke and even light bulbs. "hot, hot!!" he will yell. It was no surprise then that fireworks were not fun for this little firecracker. As soon as the first boom boomed he flew into our laps yelling "up"! For a minute I thought we were going to have to leave. He squeezed so tight into my shoulder. Eventually I was able to convince him to turn around, but even then he kept his lovie wadded up in front of his eyes. It took me covering his ears and holding him very tight for him to calm down. With each boom he relaxed a little, because he was safe in my arms. By the very end he was peeking out and actually watching. I can't help but think of God/spirit it/angel encounters in the bible. Every time the first words spoken to the person being visited are "Do not be afraid!" fear. I am convinced that the biggest obstacle most of us will ever need Grace to overcome is fear. Mainly fear based in control. We want desperately to believe that we are in control. That our world is a direct effect of our actions.

the stamp that changed it all

             Usually, life changing events are loud and apparent; the wails of a newborn baby, the rush of paparazzi after an event, the honking of horns, fanfare. Sometimes, these moments are silent. I have no news, and tons of news. Nothing to tell you and everything. This week we officially mailed in our "official" adoption application.  On Tuesday morning my sweet husband stuck a stamp on that prayed over envelope and handed it over to the post office. I'm excited to share (finally) and publically (go ahead and chat on facebook now ;-) ) that we ARE pursuing a domestic open adoption of a baby girl.  Now that the application is out of our hands we get ready for the next step.. whatever that may be. I wish I had a checklist already and real evidence to show you that we are now expecting our baby girl, but I don't. First, we have to be officially accepted ;-). And then there's an orientation, and a life book, and a long wait. And then there's a mama to be who has to pick us, choose US to raise her baby. This could happen this year, or next year or never. We believe it will happen. We believe someday we look back and say this was the week it began. If this adoption were to be compared to a hike up mount Everest, we are not even to Nepal! Nope, we've just walked into REI to start filling our cart with gear. This will definitely be an amazing journey and we have so much to learn. Our hearts are all ready for a baby sister (except for Silas who insists he already has a baby sister named Cora who is a friend at church).  We love her, we want her, so now we pursue her.
              Today is sex trafficking awareness day. My heart is stilled for all of the stolen daughters on this planet. There are more slaves today than any time in history. These were babies held by mothers. Who loves them now? Who pursues them today? When I was pregnant with my firstborn, young and terrified, I had a pedicure done. The young woman wistfully told me in very broken English that she had left her baby girl home, on the other side of the world, with her mother so she could come to the US [scrub filthy feet in a filthy mall} and earn a living to support her. A mothers love knows no distance. Take a moment today to consider modern slavery. Take a moment to pray for the forgotten daughters, the ones we too often forget.

At the masters feet

We have a busy day today. But not in the usual busy way. We have an invitation to come and sit and listen at a banquet that I fear will change our lives. It's only a dinner- a fundraiser- an informational. It's only one night, but this conversation is one that we have needed to begin, and these people, our inviters, are who we need to ask the hard questions. They have paved a road we want to walk but first we must come, and sit. To listen. 

When we speak of Martha and Mary and we hear The Lord tell Martha that Mary has chosen the better portion, I wonder if Mary had come in a different way, would he have said the same? If Mary came distracted, if she came with an agenda, if she came with her own plans, if she came in protest ready to argue, if she came unfocused - doodling in the sand, if she came to hide a problem, if she came to avoid her duties- to get out of that chore- would he have said the same? Because our father, the one who made the stars, he knows our secrets. He knows our reasons. Mary came to worship. She came to adore, to enter in to his goodness, to sit at his feet and listen.  As we sort out our busy, make priorities and try to make sense of this crazy busy world, we have to start with our crazy busy heart. Our idol filled, broken and distracted secret place. We have to come to his feet to hear, not to hide, or plan, or protest. He does not get us out of our duties, he is our duty and our joy. We must come, not as a pet on a pillow taking opportunity of a  comfortable moment, but as a woman in love with her maker. A woman ready to set it all aside to listen. To hear. 

"Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a conflict, with many a doubt

Fightings and fears within, without, O lamb of God, I come,  I come."